This is what depression looks like

Depression

Depression can be classified as a mood disorder. It may be described as feelings of sadness, loss, or anger that interfere with a person’s everyday activities. People experience depression in different ways. It may interfere with your daily work, resulting in lost time and lower productivity. It can also influence relationships and some chronic health conditions.

It’s important to realize that feeling down at times is a normal part of life. Sad and upsetting events happen to everyone. But, if you’re feeling down or hopeless on a regular basis, you could be dealing with depression.

There's no single cause of depression. It can occur for a variety of reasons and it has many different triggers. For some people, an upsetting or stressful life event, such as bereavement, divorce, illness, redundancy and job or money worries, can be the cause. Different causes can often combine to trigger depression.

No matter what the reason is from which a person has slipped into depression. Take time to understand what is happening and what can be done to bring your loved one out of the state. Do not get into the zone of arguments and fights or push them where they become recluse or avoid you completely. One needs to be strong, assertive and hold space. 

Avoid going to a person who is in depression and telling them that life is beautiful or that all is well. For them, at the moment neither of these is something they can relate to. Yes one needs to teach them to be positive and have a right outlook to life but it has to be done rightfully and not harshly or sternly.

Some causes of depression can be :- 

1. Certain long term medication 

2. Dealing with death or loss of loved one

3. Any kind of abuse

4. Some major trauma or incident 

5. Loss of job 

6. Being treated to a scene of humiliation 

7. Being ragged or targeted cause of skin color or weight or anything else 

8. At times can be hereditary 

9. Certain chronic illness 

10. Senior citizens can be in depression due to them being dependent on others 

The list can go on, but now how do we know when someone is in depression? Some common symptoms:-

1. Mood swings - anger, aggressiveness, restlessness, anxiety and irritability.

2. Emotionally feeling low like feeling empty, sad or hopelessness.

3. Lack of interest in many things.

4. Extreme cases getting inclined towards committing suicide.

5. Moving towards substance abuse.

6. Insomnia  or having excessive sleep.

7. Digestive issues and at times loss of appetite. 

8. Constant aches and pains. 

9. Fatigue and laziness. 

10. Delayed responses in conversation, lack of concentration. 

How can we help someone in depression?

1. Seek help from a healer or counsellor immediately. 

2. Nudge them to introspect and maintain a journal to write their thoughts and feelings. 

3. Encourage them to spend time in nature and allow nature to nurture and heal the person. 

4. Hold space for them and let them not get into the blame game. 

5. Look for alternative healing therapies.

6. Meditation is food for the soul, let them practice meditation daily. 

7. Encourage them to have a regular exercise routine.

8. In case they wish, getting them into support groups can be helpful.

9. Teach them to take baby steps as it’s not easy to come out of being in a state of depression. 

10. Incase they are carrying too much anger and hurt, let them take their time but allow them to release it. 

Please know and understand that being in a state of depression is okay and there is nothing to shy away or hide about. Many with various reasons can be in this state at any given time of their life. It is all about identifying a person in a state of depression and bringing them to a healer or a professional to get assistance. Life for a person who is in depression is pretty dark and heavy.

They are wallowing in their own pain and suffering and at times may be in denial of what’s happening to them. Very rarely can they be able to identify that they are in a state of being in denial. A person who is in the state may not really come out or speak for themselves or ask for help. The onus lies on the family and loved ones to notice and to take the responsibility of helping them out of a certain situation.

No matter how bleak the chances look or tough the path looks, always look for the right kind of support and help and reach your hands towards it to help pull the person who is in depression out of the state.

Loneliness can lead to depression similarly depression can lead a person to feel lonely. Nevertheless it is okay to express the same and see what needs to be done.

The four most important pillars for a healthy relationship. 

To have and maintain a healthy relationship one needs to work on the interpersonal skills of the relationship. It is as good as tending to a garden wherein periodically weeds and dry leaves need to be cleaned and removed. A neglected garden often tends to wither and die over some time. Similarly when our relationship is not being worked on or taken care of it tends to fade off naturally. 

When we understand the importance and don’t carry any expectations within as it becomes very easy to build on the four pillars which is utmost important in having a healthy and balanced relationship. In case you build a relationship with having only expectations and nothing else then this relationship is as good as walking on eggshells. 

It’s natural and a human trait to want to be pampered, loved and cared for. The need for acknowledgement and respect goes pretty high at times and when these are not met they could bring about a major challenge and block into the relationship as expectations are not met. 

When one builds the relationship on the four pillars of

1) Love 

2) Trust 

3) Respect 

4) Communication 

This becomes the basic foundation for any relationship and it would be easy to work on balancing these and maintaining a healthy relationship. Once these four pillars are set it would then be easy to have certain expectations and move on working on the same.

Let us look at how we build on these pillars to make them a strong foundation as we forge a relationship forward. 

1. Love - this is a base and should be with no set pre-conditions or negotiations. The love has to be pure and felt from within every cell molecule, an electron of you. When you understand how you are feeling and can reciprocate the same, it would be easier to receive the same from your partner or the other person in the relationship. Having love and expressing it is much needed here. Here I am not only talking about love for the other person but also the love for oneself. Only when you love yourself and accept yourself for who you are would you be able to love someone else and accept them for who they are. When we look at love as the first pillar in building the four strong pillars, to have interpersonal relationship skills to maintain a healthy relationship would be the best way to move forward. Let me remind you please do not have preconceived notions and thoughts about your expectations about love. Build them with your intent and only purpose to express the same.

2. Trust - the next most important pillar according to me is trust. When a relationship is built on trust and it’s established well if it becomes a lubricant for keeping the relationship moving smoothly. The first thing that normally happens is when something goes off track the trust is the first to fly out of the window. Keeping the trust well placed and grounded is something to know and work on. Trust is what becomes the stepping stone when the love needs to be reciprocated and taken forward. When trust becomes the stepping stone it becomes more comfortable and easy to take the relationship forward and also keep it going without any hiccups or difficulties. One should know it takes years to build on trust and just a fraction of a second break it. 

3. Respect- this is the next important pillar for me. When love is established and trust is built with time the next would be respect. Respect is something that needs to be established. Respect here would be not only for self but also for the other person. Self-respect and appreciate the other person respecting him/ her for who or she/ he is. Respect also must be given for the space in a relationship and also have the mindfulness to acknowledge someone for who the other person is. When respect is established everything starts pivoting from the point of love, trust and respect. 

4. Communication- the fourth pillar is the importance of having open and clear communication. This should be done only after the first three pillars are established and well oiled and greased. Wherein we can see the relationship moving forward with the right thought and act. When communication is crisp and clear it becomes very easy to establish a rock-solid relationship. Apprehensions and fears must be equally expressed and shared. Here as the communication pillar is established one may want to look at ways to prioritize and set expectations and express the same. 

When we understand and know the importance of working on these four pillars and making them the foundation on which a relationship is built. There comes a point where one can have clarity and know when to tend with love and care to keep the relationship going. 

This is not only for a couple but for any kind of relationship be it parent and child or between friends or between two colleagues. Though the degree of love would be different, everything else will be the same. It's essential to know this and work on it. 

It takes seconds to break from any relationships but years to build the same. When the simple law of give and take is applied no matter how tough the going gets it will be achievable for one and all. 

The Spiritual Princess - JayaPalashri Anil

Founder -Samskara Healing